Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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