Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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