i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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