dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
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He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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