We won't sleep together?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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