Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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