Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
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The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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