some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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