You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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