The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize