my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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