Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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