just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I had to cum in my sink.
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