And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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