I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
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Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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