Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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