i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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