it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize