I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
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you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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