my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
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you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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