omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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