I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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