She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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