Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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