There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize