I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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