Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she told me i tasted like america
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Less talking, more tequila
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
