I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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