If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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