Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize