Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize