Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
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8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
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Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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