Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
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couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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