The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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