he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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