Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
