dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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