The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize