for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize