I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
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I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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