she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
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That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
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Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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