I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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