That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
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Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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