singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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