I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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