Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Randomize