At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
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Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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