sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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