I can text with my tongue
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The uberlube is also flammable
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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