I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
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I feel like a drive thru vagina
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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