Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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