I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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