My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
so much tequila, so little girl.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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